Gymnastics

I've been mentally drained by gymnastics. E's in a class which is preparing her for competitive gymnastics. She was asked to join the class because she showed a lot of potential. I've been very proud of her, but it's been stressful. Stressful for me since the beginning, stressful for her recently.

I watch her too carefully. I see that she doesn't try that hard in class. She doesn't like to try new things that might be a bit scary (not the best character trait for a gymnast--LOL). So I would try to help her at home--we got her a beam that she could practice cartwheels on. I helped her with skills she was struggling with. But then she'd go in the gym and forget everything. And not seem to care at all.

It was extremely frustrating because I would see the other girls learning and mastering new skills while E stayed the same, and in some cases, regressed. I realized that I was fighting for it more than she was. I went back and forth in my mind--do I take her out and put her in the recreational class? Do I keep her in and keep practicing with her? Do I motivate her with treats?

If what I say doesn't resonate with you, put yourself in my shoes: Your child has been singled out in some area (music, sports, academics) and told that she is very talented and could go far. But your child doesn't get it, and doesn't really seem to care. You see that dream slipping away quickly, and you want to "encourage" your child to try their hardest, because, after all, they've got a gift...but they don't try to improve or work their hardest. It's frustrating. Very, very frustrating.

E has said countless times that she wants to be on the team. She wants to move up a level this summer. But as I see it, there's no way. I've tried explaining to her that she needs certain skills to move up, but she doesn't seem to get it. Until now.

At gymnastics last night, she seemed frustrated, sad, and just unhappy in the gym. I asked her coach if she noticed and she said that E's been like that for a few weeks. Coincidence? No. Just a few weeks ago, I started talking to her about the next level up. I made it clear to her that the only way she could move up was if she learned certain skills and tried her hardest. I thought I was being helpful. Instead, I took all the joy out of gymnastics for her.

So I'm going to back way off. I'm going to leave her alone. I won't even bring up gymnastics with her, and I'll start dropping her off at practices instead of staying and watching. I've tried this in the past, but it always started to frustrate and stress me when I saw her giving up without the extra help and external motivation. But this time is different. I realize it's her life, and it's her struggle...if she wants it to be.

I've realized that I don't need to keep fighting for her. It's pointless. It doesn't help her, encourage her, or even make her better at gymnastics. It frustrates her, it frustrates me, and it takes the fun out of something she used to love.

So not only do I have to let her learn on her own, but I can't let it bother me that she might fail. I have to get over that. I have to look honestly at the future and say "Yes, she might not make it--she might even give up next week, but that's her struggle, not mine." I have to let her live her own life. I have to start realizing that struggle and failure are not bad things. They will help her grow into a strong person. And it will allow her to focus on her other interests without the tunnel vision I've been pushing on her.

This is actually the hardest thing I've had to learn about parenting: letting go and letting your child sink or swim on their own. In most cases, I wouldn't do this--for gymnastics, I know it's the best option.

Hopefully in doing this, I'll start seeing E for who she really is--and what she really wants to do. She loves puzzles, reading and writing stories, and playing games. She loves school. She loves playing with her 'My Little Pony' toys. I'm going to focus on this side of her. Her simple, little girl life.

Deep breath.....this is tough for me now, but I figure it's great training for when she's a teenager. :)