Happiness

I have been thinking about happiness a lot lately. I had a rough October. I’m not sure what was affecting me the most, but the entire month was rough for me. I felt discouraged, bored, frustrated, and even depressed at times, and just couldn’t seem to get out of the funk I was in. I kept asking myself why I wasn’t happy. I have a wonderful family, a beautiful home, and my girls are healthy, happy, and smart. Why wasn’t I happy?

I eventually got out of the funk, but not without a fear of returning there. I started to dread not being happy, so I busied myself with activities with the girls, planning for Christmas, joining facebook to occupy my time, and taking about 1,000 trips to different playgrounds. I was swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction.

From the two extremes, I found that neither was what I wanted. I didn’t want to try to be happy all the time. It’s exhausting. It’s like trying to keep a high tide from receding. I’ve found a relatively comfortable place the last few weeks: contentment. It’s not happiness, and it’s not depression. It’s just accepting what is.

It seems society wants us to believe that we should always be happy. And if we aren’t, we should change something. God help you if you’re not bursting with excitement for every minute of the Christmas season. I find that pressure to be unrealistic and foolish. And it inevitably leads to disappointment. The more I try to be happy, the unhappier I am.

I like to think of happiness as a tide. It ebbs and flows. Yes, high tide is nice, but it can’t last forever. Those that try to fight against it; those that try to keep the high going, only end up disappointed. I’ve come to realize that we need the down times. And we need to be content in them. I’ve had a few days this past week that have been less than ideal. But I don’t feel stressed about it anymore. I don’t feel like I need to fight for happiness. Simple contentment is a comfortable place to be.

This Christmas, I’m not going to try to make the day perfect. I’m not going to stress over making my children the happiest they can be. If there are down moments on Christmas Day, it’s not going to bother me. I want a real life, not a picture-perfect one.