Victory Day

It's not many days where I can look back and see not one, but several big accomplishments by the girls. Today is one of those days, and while I'm reminding myself that these days are rare, I'm indulging myself and relishing every minute of it.
E had a great day at school today. It was her hundredth day and for an assignment, she had to bring in something that had 100 parts to it. We made a t-shirt with a printed on list of E's top 100 things (including everything from daddy to the color purple). It was adorable and she was very proud of her project. She also had her bus driver's name on it, which she proudly showed her when she got on the bus.

She came home, and decided she wanted to learn how to tie her shoes. Less than fifteen minutes later, she mastered it.

In gymnastics, she did several skills she's never tried or done before: she finally got her flip-flop over the big barrel by herself, she got her very first back hip circle, she tried her first cartwheel on the high beam (with help), and jumped (with help) to the high bar and did a pull-up, back-hip pullover by herself. She also tried a squat on, but tripped and got a mat burn. But I was really proud of her for trying. I didn't see any of this, but she told me all about it.

And K learned how to skip. :)

And then this evening at home we had a great time with no fighting between the girls, and a sweet bedtime with them.

It was a successful day. :)

Here's a picture of her first successful shoe tying, and check out the front of her homemade shirt! The other 50 things are on the back.

Changes

I'm totally messing with this blog, so don't be surprised if you've checked in lately and the style keeps changing. :) It's pretty fun.

Updates

I just thought I'd get that gymnastics thing off the top of the page.
I really have nothing to write. Well...actually, I've got something.

E had a meltdown last week at the library because she couldn't get a book. It was the classic kicking-screaming-spitting-yelling thing as I carried her out of the library. On the drive home, she yelled at me and kicked at me the entire way. She called me stupid. She then proceeded to throw an all-out tantrum for 2 1/2 hours at home. Non-stop. It was crazy, but was a good dose of reality for me.

I think it stemmed from a lot of pressure she's been under (from me), and rather than tell me when she's upset, she bottles it up, only to inevitably explode. I have to remember to back way off, even when I want to "encourage" her to try harder. I put encourage in quotations, because let's face it, I can be pushy.

She went to her room at 4:15 after the library for a time-out, and stayed there until the next morning. That next day she got no toys, books, basement time (we have a great finished basement that is essentially a kid's playroom), treats, or gymnastics that night. Plus, she got a 2-hour time-out in lieu of her gymnastics. She didn't get any of her toys back until four days later.

She is still without treats, a week later.

It was a horrific tantrum, and one that I won't soon (or ever) forget, but it was valuable. I learned a lot about E through it, and realized that she is starting to really exert her own personality and desires. She doesn't know quite how to deal with frustration yet (biggest understatement of the year so far), but she's showing that she wants more control in her life, and for that I'm grateful.

We talked with E about what caused her blow-up, and told her about areas where she has control in her life, and areas where I have control. It was a great talk, and amazingly, she seemed to totally comprehend the whole thing. And she seemed relieved.

On a lighter note, at least I gave some other parents at the library that "At least my kid's not as bad as her's" feeling. I aim to please.

Gymnastics

I've been mentally drained by gymnastics. E's in a class which is preparing her for competitive gymnastics. She was asked to join the class because she showed a lot of potential. I've been very proud of her, but it's been stressful. Stressful for me since the beginning, stressful for her recently.

I watch her too carefully. I see that she doesn't try that hard in class. She doesn't like to try new things that might be a bit scary (not the best character trait for a gymnast--LOL). So I would try to help her at home--we got her a beam that she could practice cartwheels on. I helped her with skills she was struggling with. But then she'd go in the gym and forget everything. And not seem to care at all.

It was extremely frustrating because I would see the other girls learning and mastering new skills while E stayed the same, and in some cases, regressed. I realized that I was fighting for it more than she was. I went back and forth in my mind--do I take her out and put her in the recreational class? Do I keep her in and keep practicing with her? Do I motivate her with treats?

If what I say doesn't resonate with you, put yourself in my shoes: Your child has been singled out in some area (music, sports, academics) and told that she is very talented and could go far. But your child doesn't get it, and doesn't really seem to care. You see that dream slipping away quickly, and you want to "encourage" your child to try their hardest, because, after all, they've got a gift...but they don't try to improve or work their hardest. It's frustrating. Very, very frustrating.

E has said countless times that she wants to be on the team. She wants to move up a level this summer. But as I see it, there's no way. I've tried explaining to her that she needs certain skills to move up, but she doesn't seem to get it. Until now.

At gymnastics last night, she seemed frustrated, sad, and just unhappy in the gym. I asked her coach if she noticed and she said that E's been like that for a few weeks. Coincidence? No. Just a few weeks ago, I started talking to her about the next level up. I made it clear to her that the only way she could move up was if she learned certain skills and tried her hardest. I thought I was being helpful. Instead, I took all the joy out of gymnastics for her.

So I'm going to back way off. I'm going to leave her alone. I won't even bring up gymnastics with her, and I'll start dropping her off at practices instead of staying and watching. I've tried this in the past, but it always started to frustrate and stress me when I saw her giving up without the extra help and external motivation. But this time is different. I realize it's her life, and it's her struggle...if she wants it to be.

I've realized that I don't need to keep fighting for her. It's pointless. It doesn't help her, encourage her, or even make her better at gymnastics. It frustrates her, it frustrates me, and it takes the fun out of something she used to love.

So not only do I have to let her learn on her own, but I can't let it bother me that she might fail. I have to get over that. I have to look honestly at the future and say "Yes, she might not make it--she might even give up next week, but that's her struggle, not mine." I have to let her live her own life. I have to start realizing that struggle and failure are not bad things. They will help her grow into a strong person. And it will allow her to focus on her other interests without the tunnel vision I've been pushing on her.

This is actually the hardest thing I've had to learn about parenting: letting go and letting your child sink or swim on their own. In most cases, I wouldn't do this--for gymnastics, I know it's the best option.

Hopefully in doing this, I'll start seeing E for who she really is--and what she really wants to do. She loves puzzles, reading and writing stories, and playing games. She loves school. She loves playing with her 'My Little Pony' toys. I'm going to focus on this side of her. Her simple, little girl life.

Deep breath.....this is tough for me now, but I figure it's great training for when she's a teenager. :)